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The good news is that these aspects are not necessarily set in stone.

If you are primarily a fear-based person but would rather be action-based, you can push through your fears and accomplish your goals.

The same rule applies: those who are contemplating leaving to move toward a goal are more likely to actually leave than those who are averting pain or potential consequences.

Examples of going toward a goal or away from a fear are "I want more out of life than staying in an unhappy marriage" or "I need to get away from this abuse." Even though all of these reasons have merit and sound powerful, you may wonder how I know that the person who is moving toward a goal will more likely take action than the one who is running away from or trying to avoid pain. Those who are motivated primarily by avoiding pain are usually fear-based people.

They will also less likely settle for less than what they believe they deserve.

Of course, you can be partially both fear- and action-based, but whichever mode is dominant will usually win the arguments in your mind about whether to stay or go.

I've had countless clients tell me that they don't want to divorce because they are afraid of losing the co-parenting relationship or their spouse's income, only eventually to realize that they alone already carry the load of responsibilities.

I feel that he is one of those people who "fear," as you write.Most people need some training or support to make these changes, but it is an alteration that anyone can make.In addition to examining fear-avoidant versus goal-oriented behaviors in the decision-making process, I look at whose needs are driving the decision.While there are no quick, easy answers and no "one size fits all" reasons to offer, I will give you parameters within which to gauge whether or not you should remain married to your spouse or leave. I can only guide you to find your truth for this moment.Your part will be to follow along and read with honest introspection so you can identify your answer.

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